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  Renee Williams

  All In

  Renee Williams

  Copyright © 2020 by Renee Williams

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  Lisa

  Crap.

  My stomach rumbled. I had drunk way too much at the club last night with Haley. When she had started screaming shots, shots, shots, I thought what the hell. I should have bowed out gracefully. I should have been the respectful adult that I usually am, but no. I had to push my limit. I just had to have that what the hell moment. Obviously, I should have stopped while I was way ahead.

  My stomach rumbled again. I gagged. I thought I was going to vomit. I held my breath trying to make the pain go away. My head felt like it was a ticking time bomb. I wanted to moan, but it even hurt to do that.

  I could barely lift my head off of the pillow, and my waist felt heavy. All I could think about was this was why I was never the girl that partied too much. My brain could not take the stress.

  What in the hell had happened last night?

  Every time I thought about it, there was a blank. The only thing I could remember was flirting with various people at the bar. Trying to live a little before I went back to my new job. I had just become a bonified doctor, and I was absolutely proud of my accomplishment.

  The weight on my waist shifted down. I tensed.

  What the hell?

  Glancing down, I stiffened. I was completely naked and lying flat on my back. I tried pretty hard not to lose my shit. I did not sleep naked. I was notorious for always needing to wear something to bed even when it was hot as hell outside. I even liked sleeping underneath a blanket in the summer for Pete’s sake.

  Crap.

  There was a white arm tossed across my stomach. It didn’t make any sense. I did not have one-night stands. I was the hardworking type of girl who focused on her brand-new career as a doctor. And, even if I decided to do a one-night stand, it would not be with a white guy. I definitely did not do white guys on any level. It was so not my thing. I loved the darker the berry the sweeter the juice. I loved my black Mandingoes in all their sexy flavors and colors. I swore by the melanin.

  Hell, doing a white boy never really crossed my mind. Sure, I saw sexy white guys in movies, television, and even in person, but none of them made me want to drop my panties for them.

  My heart started beating fast.

  I closed my eyes.

  What had I done? Well, I obviously knew what I had done, but it was a great question to ask anyway.

  I repeated to myself that I did not sleep with white men because I should not have slept with some random damn white man. Yes, my cousin was married to one, but that was not who I was. She thought the sun rose and shined on her husband Connor. I even grudgingly admitted that he was good to her and their daughter Peyton. Connor wasn’t even bad to look at, but I didn’t do white boys.

  My head beat like a damn drum as I frowned trying to remember. I was too scared to look over. Last night was a complete blank, I remembered hanging out at the club with Haley, Connor, and some of their friends in Las Vegas to celebrate their one-year anniversary.

  I squinted trying to make my intoxicated ass brain remember.

  Nothing. Just a damn blank.

  Or, nothing but the arm tossed across my waist in a tight grip like he was scared I would run. Right because I was so about to damn run.

  My eyes still felt kind of blurry, and I blinked to try and clearly see exactly who was attached to said arm. I hoped it wasn’t some guy that was going to make me throw up in my mouth. If I was going to screw a white boy, I wanted him to be worth my while. I wanted it to be worth the embarrassment that I was going to have to live with forever. I wanted it to be worth that walk of shame that I was going to have to take down the hallway back to my hotel room.

  I squinted down nervously.

  Shit. I wanted to slap myself.

  Shit. I was so screwed.

  I wasn’t ever going to live this down.

  Shit. My sex clenched in an obvious memory that I didn’t have.

  I was doomed.

  This was not a man that was going to stay in Vegas. All those stupid sayings about what happens in Vegas stayed in Vegas, just took a slight detour. Leave it to me not to leave my weekend in Vegas.

  Shit.

  Chris Banks was lying face down completely nude.

  I closed my eyes again.

  Really, Lisa. You really just slept with the whitest white dude you could find. He had the least amount of swag as possible. The least I could have done was slept with a Travis Kelce type of white guy. He had that swag that I could admire even if I thought getting it from a black guy would be better.

  I groaned softly, not wanting to wake him up. It was actually the last thing I wanted to do. I didn’t want to have to make small talk, and god forbid if he wanted to go another round. I’m not sure what I would do.

  My sex clenched again. Obviously, it knew what it wanted to do. Too damn bad. It wasn’t getting what it wanted.

  I had to get out of here. I didn’t want anyone I knew to catch me leaving his room. I cringed thinking about all the looks I would get if my family saw me leaving his room.

  My body felt hot just thinking about the embarrassment. My family would never see me as the one-night stand girl.

  And, we were all staying at the same hotel on the same floor. Lord help me if anybody found out about this little fiasco. I would never hear the end of it.

  At this point, I would have left all my crap to get out of there before he woke up. I would sprint down the hallway buck ass naked if it meant not getting caught by my family.

  I prayed that when he woke up that he wouldn’t even remember what happened just like I couldn’t. Hell, I wanted to forget what happened between us, and I couldn’t even remember what happened.

  I slowly eased out the bed, hoping I didn’t vomit all the liquor that I obviously had flowing through my system. There was no other excuse for me being in bed with a man I barely knew. Sure, we had been to a few functions together since Haley and Connor had got married last year, but nothing had said ‘hey sleep with Chris Banks’. I promise that was the furthest thing that would have ever crossed my mind.

  I shimmed out of the bed, damn near breaking my back trying to prevent him from waking up. I ended up laying softly on the floor and breathing heavy trying to convince myself I hadn’t awakened him. Or, that I wouldn’t throw up my esophagus.

  I prayed I would not throw up from my gymnastic program of trying to get from beneath the arm that had imprisoned me.

  I didn’t know what I would say if he had caught me buck naked on the floor. I sat for a minute on the floor listening for his breathing. When I didn’t hear anything, I eased up off the floor and glanced toward the bed.

  Chris was still face down sleeping on the bed. He was probably just as drunk as I was. I frowned. I had to admit, he was fine. His back muscle had muscles. His ass was tight and his thigh muscles were rigid. He didn’t have an ounce of fat on him.

  Good grief. I almost wanted to bite my knuckle. I had slept with this dude. He was actually fine as hell.

  His hair was a longish brown. I guessed it didn’t look too bad on him. I mean I didn’t prefer black men with anything but waves in their hair. I didn’t like all this I just woke up out of bed look that black men were currently wearing. Some men were just too damn grown to be walking around with nappy ass hair.
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  I shook my head. I didn’t have the time to glance at this man. I had to get the hell out of dodge before he woke up and caught me.

  I stood up slowly and cringed. I had to have been drunk. My thighs were sticky with his semen. I wanted to bang my head up against the wall. We hadn’t used protection. I was a damn doctor. Nothing like a damn irresponsible doctor. I knew better than this.

  When I moved, I felt a bit sore. What all had we done last night or not done last night? I cringed just thinking about it.

  Please don’t let me have participated in some Fifty Shades of foolishness. I knew some people loved all that freaky crap. I did not believe in the Dom/Sub bull crap people were experimenting with lately. I could take some spanking and a few toys, but I prayed none of that took place last night. I wanted to drop to my knees and pray that I hadn’t caught anything or lost anything last night.

  My sex clenched again obviously remembering exactly what we had done last night. I couldn’t even determine how many times we had even had sex. This was not good. Not good at all.

  Nope, I wasn’t going to think about it.

  Get out the room. No time to think about what happened in this room. I just needed to leave the scene of the sex crime.

  Nothing was going to happen. I was going to get out of this nightmare unscathed. I looked around the room for my sundress that I had worn to the club. I sighed. It was by the door like we had just tossed it to the side as soon as we had entered.

  I cringed.

  What in the world was I thinking?

  Nope, I wasn’t going there. I just needed to put it back on and not think about how quickly I must have thrown it off.

  I quickly tossed it over my head and looked for my panties. I didn’t want to leave any evidence behind of this damn mistake. He would not be keeping my panties as some sick collection to add to the other dummies that had probably slept with him.

  I was embarrassed. I was probably just another notch on his belt. Most likely his first black belt. I was pretty sure that he had never slept with a black girl before in his life. I was pretty sure that before Haley, his black circle had been pretty small. He had never given off any indication that he was remotely interested in black girls the whole time I had met him. It probably took both of us getting drunk for him to sleep with me and for me to sleep with him. Why had we decided to be each other’s first venture on the other side?

  I was such a damn fool. I wouldn’t be a hypocrite. It was the first time I slept with a white boy too. I wouldn’t nor could I throw stones. I would be fair. I was pretty sure neither one of us had thought about the opposite race. I would not pretend like I was a victim. I knew myself well enough to know that he had not taken advantage of me.

  I gave him credit for being an upstanding guy. Every time I was around him, he was nothing but respectable. I remember talking to him at various points through the night. I’m not sure what led from there to here, but I was ninety percent positive that he hadn’t done anything to me that I hadn’t wanted.

  I was not a naïve female. Something must have happened for me to allow myself to sleep with him.

  Yeah, like liquid courage.

  I shook my head. I was taking too long. I had to get out my head and find my panties.

  I searched the room until I located my panties by the front door. I reached down and quickly picked them up.

  Crap.

  They were torn in half. Last night must have been some night because I was pretty sure that no one had ever destroyed my panties before sex. They had moved them to the side but ripping them seemed really extreme and naughty in a sexy way.

  Do not think about last night I reminded myself. Move before explanations were in order.

  Did he rip them off my body as we entered the room, or did I rip them off trying to get into bed with him?

  Never mind. I didn’t even or ever want to know. Move on. Get out. That should be my mantra.

  I grabbed my phone and purse off the desk by the door. Almost done.

  I froze when I heard movement on the bed.

  Please don’t wake up. Please don’t wake up. I begged little baby Jesus. I needed help.

  I didn’t move until I heard him sigh again in his sleep.

  I released a panicky breath. I glanced over one last time before I left the room, and my jaw literally dropped.

  He had turned over.

  Good Lord.

  Chris was fine. I don’t mean just fine. I mean he was the fine that I hate like hell I couldn’t remember sleeping with him fine.

  I memorized his features because I would not be seeing him anytime soon for fear of his remembering what we had done.

  His chiseled jaw enhanced his face. I knew for a fact that he had green eyes. His morning shadow made him look a little scruffy. He would be even sexier if he let it grow in more. I admit I thought he was cute for a white boy when I first saw him, but that was as far as it had gone.

  Now, seeing his flat abs, I had to give credit where credit was due. He was stunning. I hesitated for half a second before glancing down at his penis. His morning wood was in full effect, and I do mean full effect.

  Good grief, I didn’t even want to know how we made all that work last night, but it had to have. It certainly explained the tenderness between my legs. If I was white, my whole body would have flushed. Thank goodness for melanin.

  I stuffed my torn panties in my purse, quickly exiting the room. This was not a story that I would be sharing with anyone. Lord knew, I hoped he wouldn’t remember it either.

  Lisa

  I dropped my head down to the test that I was holding in my hand that I had purchased from the corner store. I felt my stomach boil and roll again. This time it wasn’t because I couldn’t keep anything down, but because the result of the pregnancy test in my hand felt like a freakin’ live grenade. It figuratively just blew up in my face.

  It had taken me days to work up the nerve to go to the store to purchase it. Even once I had purchased it, I convinced myself it wasn’t necessary. Anything could have been making me sick. It didn’t need to be a baby. I could have the damn flu. I could have a virus. I could have been dehydrated. It could have been anything but a damn baby.

  So, the first time I realized I couldn’t keep anything down, I blamed me going into my patient’s room and seeing her throw-up. I thought she had just triggered my gag response even though I had never thrown up before because someone had, but a girl had to have her excuses. What was life if you couldn’t make excuses and justify poor damn decision making?

  The next morning when I woke up barely making it to the toilet, I swore it was food poisoning because any other options would destroy me. I had done time in the emergency room during my residency. People got food poisoning often. News channels ran the stories of poor restaurant grades all the time. It wasn’t like I was a cooker. Some takeout I had recently ate could have done it. Certainly not the incident not to be named from Vegas because what happened it Vegas stayed in Vegas, right?

  Nothing had followed me home. Haley had never mentioned anything to me about the night to not be mentioned. She hadn’t even made any innuendos that would have told me that she had known what had happened.

  Lord knew Chris had never contacted me. I was sure that he had awakened knowing that he had slept with someone. I hated to think that he knew who that someone was. The fact that he had never contacted me told me that he wanted to leave what happened in Vegas to stay in Vegas too.

  The third morning I woke up throwing up I literally broke out in sweats. Not the type of sweats that you just flick off with your fingers. I was sweating like I might be pregnant by a white guy that I barely knew that was friends with my cousin’s husband sweating. The kind of sweat that made me fearful of going to the nearest corner store to get a pregnancy test sweating. It was traumatizing sweat. The type of sweat that said what happened in Vegas may not have actually stayed in Vegas sweat.

  The fourth and fifth day I was fine, so I had convinced myse
lf that whatever was ailing me was over. I had escaped my night of shame unscathed, no need to take the test that I had purchased. Thank goodness. It could remain in the packet safe and sound. I could even throw it away because nothing had obviously happened. I was safe. I could move on with my life. Continue working without having to contact anyone. Thank you, Lord.

  The sixth and seventh day had me bent over the porcelain, praying to God that I would be able to crawl to my bed. Something was for real damn wrong with me. I had to stop damn playing sick and take the test because denial was not a damn river. It was my life that was about to be ripped to shreds by poor decision making and too much damn liquid courage.

  By the time I finally took the test, I was a wreck. I was holding my stomach trying to convince everything to stay inside my stomach. I needed my gag reflex to stop until I could take the stupid ass test.

  Fast forward to now and I was dumbfounded. There were simply no words. Like none. Two little lines were destroying my future. I thought I was going to hyperventilate. I was going to have to find a paper bag so that I didn’t pass the fuck out and die on the vomit that forever seemed to spew out of my poor damn body.

  I couldn’t even begin to process what I was going to do. I felt my stomach roll with sickness again and eased off the toilet to go from pissing on a stick to throwing up again.

  This damn baby wasn’t even trying to cooperate. I couldn’t keep going into work late every day because my stomach wouldn’t settle or running from a patient’s room because my stomach felt nauseous all day.

  I felt tears prick my eyes as I laid across the toilet seat. That’s how I knew something had to be wrong with me because the toilet was never a place that anyone should lay their heads.

  What was I going to do? I had just started my new job in Massachusetts. Now, I wouldn’t be able to stay. I couldn’t live this far away from my family with no support and a baby.

  A baby.

  Who would have thunk it?

  Certainly not me.

  I was six weeks along. How did I know that? It was the one stupid night that had ruined everything. I hadn’t slept with anyone in a long time. Finishing my residency at Harvard and starting to be a doctor had taken up so much time. I hadn’t had time to date someone who would take up too much of my energy. Now, I was about to have someone that would take all of my time and a huge chunk of my life.